I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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