is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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