I think I just saw someone hide a body.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
