i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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