party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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