I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
