I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
