i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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