why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
