I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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