I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
