I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
