I wish i was in the wii world.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
