we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
