I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
