If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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