i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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