before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
