I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
