On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
