I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
