I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
