Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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