Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Walk of Shame today included voting.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
