i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
