there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
