don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
