its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
