3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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