if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
