Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
