if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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