lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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