You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
