Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I pour the whiskey from now on
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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