i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
