Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
