hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
