but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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