i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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