The maid of honor just puked.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
