so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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