yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
