I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
