Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
