Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
