White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
