Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how can u be prego again
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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