I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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