dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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