so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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