How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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